Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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