I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize