I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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