I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
