the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
