dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
