I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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