I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
