Can Purell be used as lube?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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