the condom got lost in my hair
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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