I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
