Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
