is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
