4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
