Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
