lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
