Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize