you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
