walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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