i wish there were pregnant emoticons
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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