Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
