I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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