let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
