I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
