drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
