I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
