____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
