I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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