i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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