I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
