You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
