Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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