there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
