I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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