i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
