he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
