Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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