I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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