I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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