He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
