I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
