lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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