i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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