Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this boner is exhausting
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize