she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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