even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
