If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
