Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your room smells of hookers.
And success
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
