Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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