im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
