Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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