it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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