I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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