I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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