She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
