i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
