and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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