my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
