I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
