burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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