Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
