Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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