'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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