Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
