That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
