Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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