Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
