I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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