Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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